THE TEST

When I was between five and eight years old, I lived in a house close to Uncle Bert and Aunt Ethel. Many happy times were spent playing with the Riddle Children. This story is about one of those times. Margret, maybe Glen, and I were playing in a stream of water about a quarter mile south of the Riddle house. We called it Wilmer Branch.

There was not much water still we could find ways to entertain ourselves. Our imaginations could turn large leaves  into ships that we would float in the shallow water. Sometimes we would launch a whole armada of these sturdy ships, and then bombard them with clods of dirt as they floated downstream.

On this occasion, Margret became bored, and wanted to go home. With running water to play in,  I  could  not wrap my mind around such an idea. Margret was almost a year older than me, so she probably felt responsible. Otherwise, she would have just gone home and left me on my own. She came up with a number of reasons we should go. None of which made any sense to me.

After I dismissed several reasons for going such as "Mama may be worried about us" as complete nonsense, she turned to scare tactics. Suppose a rabid dog found us, or we got hurt and needed help. I assured her that if we needed help I would just call for it,  and it would be forthcoming.

Margret assured me that I could not yell that loud. With that challenge made, there was only one thing I could do, HELLLP!!! I called. While we waited, I thought  how proud of me the grownups will be for having the foresight to check on the availability of help before it was actually needed. Right at this time, Margret delighted in pointing out that no help had arrived. HELLLLLLLP!!!!! I turned up the volume.

This time I thought less about how proud of me everyone would be, and just listened intently for some sound that would indicate help was on the way. OK I thought, I will really turn up the volume. HEll-----! Uncle Bert came bursting out of a brier patch growing on a hillside on the other side of the road from where we were playing. He had taken the direct route through the woods instead of the road.  A look of extreme concern was on Uncle Bert's face, brier scratches were on his arms, and all thoughts of how proud people were going to be were gone from my head.

"What's the matter! what's the matter!" Uncle Bert yelled, "is somebody snake bit?". This was not going well. There was no time to consider how this situation might be best dwelt with. The first thing needed was to relieve the concern. "We are all OK", I said. The look of concern lessened. I explained as casually as I could that I was doing a test to see how long it would take to get help if we needed it.

I felt that Uncle Bert would at least appreciate the initiative. I was WRONG. The look of concern was completely gone, A new look evolved. It started with Uncle Bert's jaw dropping. As he turned toward me, a look associated with intense scrutiny and disbelief. came over his face. It seemed to me that he looked at me for quite a long time that way before he said "come on, lets go home".

Some people that I have told this story say you must have got a really good whipping for that. But, I didn't. I don't know why. I ask Margret why she thought Uncle Bert looked at me so long after I told him about the test. Without hesitation she said " I don't have to think, I know, he was trying to decided if anyone could really be that stupid.".                                   

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